Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
