i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
