I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
