so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
