He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
