sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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