all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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