You're my little dorito
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
