sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
