Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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