i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
