so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
