My liver just broke up with me...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
