The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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