There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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