As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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