now i know why i became what i already was.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
