i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
