Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
