we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
