They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
a search helicopter?!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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