Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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