is your mom at the bar?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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