Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
