we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
