Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
