he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
