I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
