I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
