Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
