Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
