Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
