Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
