So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
