Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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