Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
