Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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