my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
