R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
