Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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