I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
