I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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