she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
