she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
