You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
