Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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