i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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