Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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