I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
