Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
