I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
