I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
